15 minutes of fame.. Is it worth it?

We can't deny the fact that motherhood is one of the most beautiful experiences in the world.
It makes a women more compassionate, kind, giving, forbearing, soft and tender... It's true to say a child gives birth to a mother, cause even a women who experiences this transformation wasn't aware of the loving and caring side she had within herself before bearing a child.

However this selfless love for the child can make mothers run into an unhealthy competition.

We all appreciate a competitive spirit, but how would you feel when some mothers get aggressive and exhibit over anxious and domineering behaviour when it comes to their kids win the competition? Believe me or not but it's true that some parents become so abrasive in order to establish superiority among others.

I agree, as parents we feel proud and thrilled to see our little ones winning the race or being appreciated in a crowd or a group, However I have seen parents getting so carried away by the fact that their kid should perform the best that they start pressurizing the kid with repeated harsh behaviour and dialogues enforcing victory. At this age when kids are still in the process of learning and understanding the essence of competition ... I feel parents should be glad to see their kids being a part of competition and trying to do as much they could rather than threatening them to win.

Is competition all about winning...?

I am more than happy to see my baby go and stand up there in the competition... Be it a race or any other match.... Let them be themselves, This is the age when they learn through experience and careful observation. I have seen mothers brain washing their kids and getting hyper before hand to ensure their kid win. Well I don't mind you take the trophy home.... But not at the cost of hampering his confidence and self esteem through your stressful act.

Are we being unreasonable about our kids abilities ?  

Every parent is the best judge for their kid and know what their child is capable of.. Setting unrealistic goals for your child will only have them doubt their abilities and lose faith in themselves. Encourage your kids to be a part of any challenge or a competition. Give them a liberty to try and fail.. Focus on their efforts rather than on outcome. Soon your kid will realize the true sense of achievement and develop a competitive spirit to take over the world by his best attempts.


Some parents might have a different opinion and question
what is wrong in being competitive ? Who doesn't want to see their kids at the top? 

Well it's great to expose our kids to the world of competition and the number game, but we need to instill the values of a healthy competition. We don't want kids to feel envy of the competitors if he /she fails to win. At times parents become so aggressively involved in such events that they don't realize that their behaviour towards their kid and others can pass a wrong signal for their kids to see. yelling and pressurizing kids in front of others can demoralize them and they feel dejected if they
lose.

Forget kids even we mothers do better when we are not compared to other moms but are appreciated for what we are doing. Most mothers lose their capability and under-perform even for their own kids when they are being judged or interfered by others in the family.

This was an year ago, Like all other mums ... Me too was bitten by the glamour world and applied for this fashion show for my kid. It was just two days before the audition was due ... I thought of giving few tips to my son to prepare him for the audition... But you all know how a 4 yr old behaves... He was least interested and hardly paid any attention to what I was thrilled about... After many attempts trying to get his attention ... and facing all his questions he finally agreed to walk and did little to my expectation to make me happy.

Well , today was the day of audition ... After almost trying a bundle of clothes, I ended up dressing him smartly and was satisfied with the way he looked...

Anyways after reaching the venue, we still had half an hour ... Instinctively got an idea that I can make him practice on the ramp where he has to perform ... But had I forgotten that I was dealing with a 4 yr old ... They usually don't do what we want them to but they have their own moods and wants... Almost all the kids were walking running and practicing on the ramp... I almost felt like fighting a losing battle as my son refused to leave me and even step on the ramp ...tried pushing him a few times, but soon realised if I continue to push him further I would end up spoiling his mood and there might be a scene created instead of a fashion show.... So I finally quit and sat quietly and engaged him in little fun talks and games ....

I saw him become comfortable to see his mum relax as he would see me otherwise. It was difficult for him to understand my sudden change of behaviour for no reason ...It was me who was getting  impatient and stressed for my own needs of wanting to see my son make it in the final show more than my sons needs....After a long wait the audition started ...The hall was full of parents with kids of all age groups... As they called the kids name ...they were to walk the ramp and pose.

Looking at the other kids do so well, I was already disheartened...and knew my son has no scope. All I wanted him to at least leave my lap and go .... Just to keep me away from embarrassing in front of so many ppl. While my mind was busy predicting what would happen... Suddenly his name was called and to my utter surprise... He just got off his seat...went up the stairs walked like a star and posed like some superhero that came naturally to him. I couldn't believe my eyes... He looked so relaxed as if he is been practicing for days... N as soon as he stepped down he asked .. Mamma did I walk well..? Are you proud of me? ..and everyone who heard laughed at his innocent act of confidence and passed me the smile .... I hugged him and said you did a great job my darling.

The whole experience left me so happy and proud that I really didn't care if my son gets selected for the final show or not... I was more than happy to see him go up on to the stage in front of such big audience and do what he did.

What kept me thinking was, If the struggle and stress worth the fame of 15 min ?

As parents we get so stressed and become a part of the rat race and pass the stress on to our kids too without even realising that they are innocent minds unaware of the fact that their mothers are are so desperate for their kids to win ...

He didn't even know what battle I was fighting in my mind through out thinking for him to do well to get selected, but the ease with which he went and did so without even knowing what's the reward
behind it ...


Well, I get a call in few days and I was thrilled to hear that he was selected and he rocked the final show with his innocent style and confidence.

We as parents get so excited about whole concept of being in the limelight that we forget we are forcing us upon our little children.


Are we being mean by forcing our choices n happiness upon our kids ?

No doubt it feels great to see our eye candies doing such big deal at such a small age... But it kind of opened my eyes when I saw some parents really pushing their children to look good...and building pressures to walk as they want them to.  I saw some little girls who were just not  comfortable wearing their hair in certain way, but kept to all that glamorous look just to make their parents happy.

We being the best judge of our kids can also go wrong many times for our own selfish happiness.  By pushing them into something for the fame of 5 minutes..that means nothing to them but a big deal to parents.

I wouldn't say we should not send them for competitions or encourage them to be in one... But also ensure the whole focus behind any competition should not just be winning ... Anything that holds child's interest, comfort and happiness should be the priority at this age... The whole experience should be made fun and learning so that they themselves enjoy being a part of it next time ...But not because we want them to ....

If we really want to feel pride in their victory .. We have to learn to feel pride in their failures too !

To send or not to send ? - Parents dilemma over boarding schools

This was just a week back, when I happened to meet one of the moms, who shared her plans of sending her only child to a boarding school.. Well my first reaction literally came out  as a shock.. like Why ?? with a big question mark.? but as we spoke further.. I kind of came to terms with the fact that it is an option people do consider for their kids...

To be honest, mere thought of not seeing my son even for a day sends shivers down my spine. I really salute those parents who have a heart to stay away from their kids..

You might judge me here, but I know one thing for sure that it's my complete responsibility to become available to my child mentally and emotionally 24/7 at least until I know he is ready for himself ... I can not hand him over to an Academy/school to take care of him.. I understand parents are not trained experts to know the best of all but they surely know the needs of their child better than anyone else. If I have an issue of any kind with my child .. I would rather seek help locally rather than sending him away to boost his confidence..

At the same time, I also admit that all parents want the best for their kid, so if at all parents are consdering sending their kids to a boarding.. There has to be some good in it....

Why do parents even consider boarding schools?
These are some of the reasons I feel justifies parents decision of sending their kids away at boarding..

If a couple is going through a rough phase, it reflects on the child's behavior, In a scenario like this boarding can be considered to avoid the child getting effected by parental fights or unpleasantness at home.

In a situation of divorced or separated parents.. rather than letting the kid stay with one parent, they might consider boarding as a healthy option again.

Boarding schools might come as a relief for Parents who are intensively involved in their professional life and careers and cant devote enough time to the child.

Also Parents who move frequently due to the nature of their jobs.. might choose boarding school as a consistent option for their kids education.

Some kids themselves come up with an idea of going to a boarding school and show keen interest, here the prerogative lies on the parents to decide for the kid but it makes the decision making easier.

Some parents might also decide on sending their child to a boarding if the child is boisterous and has disciplinary issues.. it saves parents from nagging behavior towards kid all the time.

Well in any of the above scenarios, if parents are considering boarding school for their child.. they must not rush into decision making and consider the following tips before a go ahead..

1. Do not force your decision upon your child, communicate with your child about the school, its advantages and disadvantages.. let them express how they feel about the whole idea of boarding, let them come up with questions and clear all their doubts and hesitation about staying away.

2. Visit the school along with your child, let them interact and see for themselves how they like the environment and do they see themselves as becoming a part of school.

3. At any given time, if child expresses sorrow or feels that he is being punished for their bad behavior in the past... attend to it with empathy and let the child understand how this decision will pay him in future.

4. Know your child, think for yourself if the child has the tendency to adapt to new environment. Is your child emotionally strong or needs you around for every little thing? Does the child mingles up and feels comfortable even when away from you or just cant manage without you.

5. Will the child be able to take the pressures of performing academically or succumb to the strict rules and regulations of the boarding schools.

If at all Parents consider boarding schools ... What's the right age to do so? 

Parents play a very important role in a child s life, be it at any age .. parents are the complete support system for their child and means world to them, So as soon you try and take them away from you actually you are punishing them for no fault of theirs... Still if you decide to do so in any given situation.
Primary school children should not be pushed into a boarding, they need you the most during the formative years of their childhood. However joining a boarding at secondary level is still ok. students at this level are slightly older to get accustomed to a new environment and start to learn to live on their own.

I completely agree there are many misconceptions about boarding schools which does not stand true. Here are some reasons that very strongly recommend that one should not hesitate in sending their kids to boarding schools:- 

1. Boarding schools provides with all sorts of extra curricular activities and gives great exposure to sports apart from focusing on academics. This limits our choices when we talk of kids going for regular education.

2. Most importantly kids learn to become self reliant and understand personal responsibility.

 Of course at home they have all the liberties of doing things as per their moods and wants .. Most of the kids turn a deaf ear when it comes to household chores.

3. Kids develop some real good social skills and manners in order to get along and fit themselves in the group as they have no where to hide from.
Kids at home are surrounded by distractions like TV, video games, phone ipads that it leaves no room for developing social skills.

4. Kids at boarding schools end up making some real good friends for life, as they are the support system for each other. This does not happen otherwise as kids can find friends in parents if nothing else works for them.

5. The strict rules at boarding schools focus on discipline, character enhancement, overall personality development which leads to a structured way of life.
Children at home have the liberty to break rules if at all there are any.

Just like nothing in this world comes full proof.. there are some points of concern for parents when it comes to sending kids at boarding schools:-

1. Every kid is not meant to be in  a boarding school. Many kids cant survive the constant pressures and the strict rules of the school and have hard time adjusting which can be highly stressful for the child.

2. For some kids, the separation anxiety from home and family can lead to a feeling of abandonment and cause frustration and homesickness.

3. Shy and introvert kids can feel very lonely which can lower kids self esteem and lead to depression/social isolation.

4. Kids grow up before age.. as they are exposed to various thought processes at an early age.

5. Boarding schools can be very expensive, not every one can afford it. especially the real good and famous ones can be heavy on parents pockets.

6. Kids can get addicted to bad habits like drugs, alcohol, smoking as not all schools are vigilant enough to watch kids every activity.

7. Boarding school kids have high standards set for themselves which might come as a disappointment when dealing with the real world.

8. Parents miss out on some significant years of their kids life, not knowing the details of their life away from home.

9. Even kids lack the bonding with their parents and family members and become detached as ultimately they learn how to be on their own.

10. Dealing with the opposite gender can be uncomfortable and problematic for some who doesn't opt for co-ed boarding schools.

Its always a good idea to weigh pros and cons before you decide to enroll your child for a boarding school. However once decided, here are some tips to ensure your child gets off to a good start...

1. Find out with other parents who are also considering sending their kid to the same school. They might have a company until they make new friends.
2. If your child is homesick, avoid calling him too much over the phone or visiting him often, it will make it more difficult for him.
3. Ensure your child feels safe and you as parents will always be available to him if needed.
4. Don't express your feelings in front of them, that you are going to miss him too much ..rather talk of things you plan to do once he is home.

In my personal opinion, I feel times have changed and today's parents are much aware and have become more involved in child's affairs... An healthy involvement of parents can lead to an all round development of a child even at home.

A National Hero In the Making

Every child is born with a dream in their eyes.. It's for us to read their minds and watch their actions to help them realize their dreams... When I gave birth to a baby boy .. I knew my house is gonna be filled with cars, bikes, superheroes and so on..

When he was around two, we walked in to a toy store to buy someone a birthday gift.. That's when my little one pointed towards a gun and insisted that he wants one .. I was little apprehensive thinking should I or should I not ? am I introducing my toddler to killings and violence.. Many such thoughts ran through my mind.. But eventually I gave in to his demand but what kept my satisfaction was the fact that .. He didn't know its called a gun...

Next thing he asks me is to stop by on the road out of a sudden.. And to my surprise he wanted to say hi to the cops standing by the road side .. He called out loudly hi police and waved his hands.. Was lucky enough to get a respond as they smilingly waved him back... He was on the top of the world .. Jumping and laughing as if he has met his hero ... Anyways ..

This time it was a fancy dress in school when he was in group1, I gave him as many choices as I could but he was damn sure he wanted to become a police, which wasn't there on my list and insisted he wants the full police set. I was lucky enough to get one in his size after hopping from one shop to another. He was so thrilled to have one and just wanted to get back home as soon as he could .. Well I dressed him into it without any delay... He looked adorable and cute little police man ..

As I was ready to click some pictures, he said wait wait ran to the other room.. returned in a minute with his gun tucked in his pants... and his rescue operation was on the go.. Momma call me if you are in trouble .. Will put the bad guy in the locker and so on... It was a task getting him out of the dress until it started hurting him and finally agreed to take off just before bed time ...

Soon after I visited my parents and he happened to see my dads uniform..from the time he had served in Indian Army. Last time when we visited them he had seen Nanu's pictures in uniform but was too small to understand much.. But this time he was so fascinated by the look of his uniform, the cap, the boots that he wanted to wear it all.. Nanu happily entertained all his demands and questions ... and shared his stories how they fought with the enemies to save their land ... and encouraged his dreams by saying he can also become one .. if he eats well, stays fit and healthy..

That day and today.. Nothing has changed .. He lives his dreams through his games, by sharing his made up stories with his friends, through his toys he collected later of an army soldier, an army tank, chopper and much more.. He looks so consumed in his thoughts when he watches an army soldier either in a movie, a photo in a magazine, newspapers.. Merely a mention of the word Army catches his attention instantly and one can see the glitter in his eyes, how his energy levels go up and he is ready to step into their shoes.

Independence Day was just not a holiday for him... he was so thrilled to go for a flag hosting with his army cap on which he brought from his Nanu's house.. as he had to save his country from bad people who can attack us... His straight body posture with an excellent salute didn't go unnoticed .... As he stood throughtout in the respect of the national anthem... Just as a real officer would do.

Today I realise that we have a Military Man in the making, who left me startled when I handed over a gun to him.. Least I knew it's gonna act like a saviour for my baby's dreams.. He feels so strong and fearless with a gun in his hands and keeps the courage to defeat the bad and the evil. Today's kids know good from bad and will never choose a path until guided inappropriately. 

I am a proud daughter of an Army officer.. and I wish my little baby live his dream one day and make the whole country proud of his deeds. Here's a true early starter trying to turn his aspirations into a reality and come out as a National Hero to make his mum and the world proud one day.

Camera is the culprit

Cinema has always been the most popular source of entertainment among adults, families and even for kids. In spite of being a great source of entertainment, it's not very keenly recommended by parents when it comes to watching movies for kids.

I belong to a time and generation when we as kids accompanied our parents for films as an outing but were never encouraged to get fascinated about the whole idea of glamour, fashion and madness behind that reel cinema.

As kids, I still remember we were not freely exposed to film magazines, filthy songs and any other sort of resource that would lead our interest in the glamour world, plus we had so much to do in our times...that movies and films were merely an excitement for an outing and cold drinks.

But when I think of today.... cinema has taken over other sources of entertainment in a very big way..

It's not just confined to the multiplexes or movie theaters but dozen of channels on TV telecast films all day long.

The ones which doesn't show movies, show filthy songs with embarrassing videos & dirty lyrics. If that's not enough there are advertisements adding to the repulsion with skimpy clothes and exposed body ads with some  really  stupid dialogues.                   

Somehow if we manage to skip TV, There are these Newspapers filled with full page movie ads showing skin, posing inappropriately or else filled with blood and violence. Even if you manage to ignore all the above...You can't get so unlucky to miss that condom ad placed right where your eyes can never skip it.

These thoughts never crossed my mind or bothered me all these years of my life but since I am a mother now... I can't turn a blind eye to all that is happening around and let my kid grow before time.

When I hear a 4/5 yr old singing....sari night besharmi ki night and many such absurd songs...

 I literally feel how their parents allow them to watch and listen to such songs...?

Above all it feels so indecent to hear these dirty lyrics coming from kids of such young age, thankfully they don't understand the meaning behind it yet.

Many parents think otherwise that more we keep them away or restrict them from all this more they would get attracted to it, So they let them watch anything and everything that the idiot box has to offer .... Be it Saas bahu serials, item numbers, movie trailers full of violence & bad words and other stuff without giving a second thought.

Now its up to the parents to decide what they think is good or bad for their kids... Well, In that case the safest bet is to limit their TV viewing only to kids channels.

However it changed my mind when I sat one day with him to realize... Bheem being all kids hero only loves to fight and is aggressive all the time. They are all shown saving the princess ...so now when ever I have a girl who comes to play with my son she has to be a princess in trouble and helpless ...so Bheem comes and save her.

Heights of all was.... the day I heard this advertisement and thought my son might have changed the channel but to realize later it ran on kids channel made no sense to me ( a women wearing deep neck blouse being called hot by his father in law) My kid relates hot with weather.

I really fail to understand, why are kids exposed to things or dialogues not appropriate for their age... ?
Why are serial and movie promos running on kids channels?

why are parents not given a choice of deciding whether they want their kids to show the movies or not ?

why obscene item numbers, lewd songs and clippings everywhere on TV?

Restrict it to one channel ... people will have a choice to watch or not.

The full page movie ads in newspapers should be avoided in front pages. Hoardings and movie posters should be kept clean and watchable .... not lusty and vulgar..

On one hand we are feeding our kids with dirt, filth, vulgarity, obscene stuff through songs, movies, hoardings, magazines and newspapers.. On the other hand we are complaining of kids outgrowing their age and misbehaving, teasing and finally assaulting... 

I am not saying this is the sole reason behind all the mishappening in society but is definitely a very big reason of where our society is heading and the way future generation is being misled.

The other day my 5 year old asks me ...why in all the movie posters boys always have a girlfriend ? Well I answered that for him but It won't be surprising if he comes and says next ...mamma I want a girlfriend too.

I am not against boys and girls being together .... In fact we need to instil the values of relationships in our children and how we all play important role in every ones life .. but why make it obscene and present... There are healthy ways of letting kids know that two ppl love and care about each other like their parents do.

The girl boy relationship should not be a taboo...that is seen or projected as a shameful thing.

For all those who think i am being over protective ... must understand there is always a choice of exposing your kids to every thruth in a healthy manner and at a right age....

Camera is the culprit... because it focuses at the wrong places and provides an element to pollute innocent minds. The dialogues and the lyrics should be for enjoyment but not to dilute our thoughts. Many think its just fun and they see and forget at this age .. should remember at this tender age kids learn more from what they see and hear ... And whatever they are exposed to leaves an imprint on their minds.

Worst is even in video games and cartoons... Girls are projected with divulging breasts and as a piece of object to gather attention...where is the need to make these little minds curious of women's body and think of them as some glamorous object ?

why can't girls or women be projected like a normal human being ...and how they look in real world ? 

we must always remember kids understand more than we think they would ... And it's our responsibility to feed them with values, morals, respect and equality.